The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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