I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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