Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
