I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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