Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
