i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
