bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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