I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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