I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
