Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
