Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
