Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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