i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
