So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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