Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He passed out mid-signature
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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