i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
