The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
