I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
