he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
