I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
honey bunches of taint.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
