what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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