When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
