Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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