Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
