I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
