Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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