gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
