Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
