i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
