How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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