I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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