idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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