He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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