You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
