My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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