If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
