Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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