i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
