i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
