I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
