Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
