You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
