I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
