I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
