Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
