I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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