Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
