Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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