Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
