Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
