Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
